“I was raised as a Christian and I believed the God would help me through life. However, as a victim of sexual assault, I found it extremely difficult to place my trust in God. For years, I was hurt by someone that my family trusted and this had negative effects on my life. This period of my life left me with serious trust and self-esteem issues, some of which I still struggle with today, and I gave up on God.
No one knew about what I had been through, and on the outside it looked like my life was great: I had a nice group of friends, my grades were good and once the person who had caused me harm was out of my life, my home life was great. However, on the inside I was so broken. I heard stories of the brave people who had been through similar experiences and I was so ashamed. I felt as if my body had been tainted and that I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love, so I didn’t feel brave enough to share my story. I was in a dark place where I still went to church to keep up appearances, but on the inside I was questioning that if there was really a God – why would he put me through this? Why would he let something like that happen and not save me?
After a few years of not believing that God was by my side I was invited to attend a youth group by one of my friends from school. The people I met there were like no one I’d ever met before. Their love and passion for God was so powerful, I felt myself slowly but surely trusting God and these new people. A few months later at a prayer evening I couldn’t take it anymore and broke down in tears. My friends had no idea about the demons I was battling inside, but that night – without knowing what I had gone through – my friend gave me a vision she had received from God to tell me and that night I felt myself slowly start healing again.
A few months after that I found the courage inside me to tell some Christian friends about what I had been through and how it was still affecting me and they prayed with me. After that I felt as if a weight had been lifted, God put these people in my life to help me heal and talk about my experiences with. They helped me understand that God had been by my side through it all. He didn’t want to see me go through that but he couldn’t do anything to stop is so he stayed and endured it with me.
From that moment, I started living for God and for myself instead of living in the fear and pain of the past. There are definitely still times where I struggle with trust, self-esteem, feeling worthy and many other things, but I am so much more confident and I am finally figuring out how to accept the past with God’s help.”
Isaiah 41:10 ‘So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am you God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’